I am at my best when I have structure and predictability. I guess I thought when I was younger that I’d be cool and spontaneous and adventurous, but it turns out that that kind of lifestyle and my illness don’t mix.
So changes are hard for everyone, I know, and they’re really hard for me. And that means good changes too – even when I’m excited for something, it can be really hard on me to figure out how to manage the stress and uncertainty of what that good will look like.
I wish I could just enjoy things and be excited for them and look forward to awesome opportunities, and I do… but it’s hard on me. I guess I’ll never be easy going, which sort of hurts, but I’m ok. There’s lots of good things in my life, and I’m looking forward to (and worrying intensely about) future things to come.