One of the really frustrating thing about my mental illness is the sneak attacks. I’ll be going about my day, doing my stuff, and then it’s like someone screaming in my ear with a bullhorn, or grabbing me and shaking me, and then it’s gone. It feels like someone spliced a few frames from a horror movie into my reality; just the incredible, uncontrollable, loud shriek of anger or frustration or sadness or hopelessness cracking into my everything and then falling silent. This happens when I haven’t been taking my drugs so well, or when things are happening that fuck up my brain chemicals, and it makes me jumpy and tense.
Yes, my doctor knows about this, we know what’s going on. It still sucks.